![](https://learningtoloveautism.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Thumbs-up-Daddy-2.jpg)
Feeling frustrated this morning, it’s such hard work trying to get Bookasaurus ready for school! I’m sure we all experience this challenge as parents the children wanting to watch the TV or just not wanting to get up. I do put pressure on myself in the morning as I want to get him to school on time and Bookasaurus probably picks up that I’m stressed which just makes the situation worse.
I find Bookasaurus’s energy or sometimes lack of energy, his constant chattering about Star Wars (or whatever his special interest is at the time) and wanting me to read him stories challenging to say the least! Books and stories are his love and comfort but trying to put cream on him (he has a bit of eczema), read him a story, and get him dressed while he’s constantly moving around, jumping on the bed, hiding under the covers, and saying ‘Mummy can I tell you something’ can be infuriating!
I do my best to stay calm and it’s easier when I’ve got more energy, I can just play along with him and do silly voices and give him cuddles while I try and tuck his t-shirt in. Being in the moment and enjoying the time with him as much as possible helps me to relax. He can also be very tactile and cuddle me while I’m trying to get him dressed but I kind of like that!
I decided I needed to do something creative to improve the situation so I tried a dressing chart. It worked really well Bookasaurus pulled the pictures of the pants, trousers etc off the cardboard which were stuck with velcro as he put his clothes on. We even managed to get out of the house a bit earlier.
I got him to stick them on in the order he wanted to add variety as autistic children and all children like that control, involvement, and choice. It was quite funny at one point because he tried to put his trousers on and then his pants but quickly realised his mistake!
However, the novelty factor of the chart wore off, so I needed to try something else. My next idea was to get him washed and dressed first thing in the morning, usually, I get him dressed after breakfast but then he has lots of energy and we are running out of time.
I told him the day before that we were going to change his routine and get him dressed before breakfast, he said to me ‘what’s a routine mummy?!’ I explained it to him at teatime because it can be a good time to talk when we are both calm and sitting at the table. It really helps to talk to autistic children in advance about any changes that are coming up. It worked really well, I reminded him again in the morning and getting him washed and dressed was a lot easier and he wasn’t so hyper.
A couple of weeks on and it was going well but he still wanted me to read him stories while he was getting dressed. So I tried a ‘Now and Next’ approach, I said I was going to put cream on him starting at 7.30 am and then by 7.32 am I would stop and he could get dressed. I asked him to keep an eye on his digital clock, he kept a very close eye on it and I realised I hadn’t given myself much time! At 7.32 am he said ‘stop mummy’ I just managed to get enough cream on!
My other bugbear when it comes to the morning routine is teeth cleaning, aahhh! He talks constantly while I try and get him to clean his teeth, he has such a busy mind. He leans on me at the sink, I have to hold his shoulders otherwise he just wanders around the bathroom but I think the pressure on his shoulders helps. Although I like that he is tactile leaning on me can be a bit annoying and trying to get him to focus on just cleaning his teeth is hard work.
So, I thought what can I try to make my life easier here. I watched a video from an OT (Occupational Health Therapist) on teeth cleaning and she talked about calming the child down before you even attempt cleaning their teeth.
With Bookasaurus it very much depends on ‘where he is in his body,’ e.g. if he’s hyper/needs to move around so I tried just letting him run back and forth in his room which is his way of regulating/calming himself and getting enough touchy-feely input into his joints and body. I also give him some different options such as doing a wheelbarrow (see my Instagram reel/video of our wheelbarrow) or what I call a ‘Mummy Push’ (see below) so very similar to a wall push but we press hands together and push, it just makes it more fun! Then I say once you’ve done your running ‘come into the bathroom and we’ll clean your teeth’. I also give him a bit of time to process what is happening next and try not to rush him – ‘ just finish your book and then come to the bathroom’.
![](https://learningtoloveautism.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Mummy-push-2.jpg)
I ask him to bring a book into the bathroom because transitions (moving from one room to another) can be hard for him and reading him a bit of a story in the bathroom calms him down. I sometimes give him cuddles and wrap myself around him to relax him too but you’ll know what calms your child. I also focus solely on helping him brush his teeth if I attempt to clean my teeth at the same time, we just both get distracted. I ask him to keep quiet and concentrate while cleaning his teeth and then we can talk afterward, I have limited success with that one!
With Bookasaurus counting helps to focus him on the task. I’ll do a count down from 10 on each side of his mouth or at the weekend we might blast off like rockets!
I decided to go back to a social story on teeth cleaning that we used to do, I stuck it up on the bathroom wall with blu tac (it’s now quite damp and wrinkly) and read out the words. A social story has pictures and words broken down into easy steps like ‘when I clean my teeth I will try to brush my teeth at the side.’ The language is flexible which usually autistic children respond to rather than direct instructions, it depends on the situation. Bookasaurus really liked it he told me ‘read the words Mummy’ and that he liked the pictures too.
It is very repetitive reading it out every day but again autistic children generally like repetition, Bookasaurus certainly does! The story also uses praise at the end ‘you have done a good job of cleaning your teeth’ and has a picture of a thumbs up!
I also aim to keep my language soft and flexible if I get irritated or boss him around he just gets upset or plays up, the way I do things may take longer but it keeps Bookasaurus calm and we get there in the end! Something else that I find really helps is to do ‘hand over hand’ I’ve done it since Bookasaurus was little, I put my hand over his so he can feel how to do the brushing motion of how to clean your teeth and I do this with other things like using cutlery too. His brushing technique is gradually getting stronger.
With making some positive and creative changes and adapting my behaviour to what works for Bookasaurus it has really improved his routine and it is much less stressful. We’ve also had moments of success, he is getting more independent and now says to me ‘I can get myself dressed Mummy, go away’! I leave the dressing chart on the bed to give him some direction and go and get myself organised and several times now he has come into my bedroom fully dressed which is a huge achievement. Sometimes he gets his shorts the wrong way round and this morning he had his pants on back to front but he’s doing really well.
My husband sometimes tells me I’m too soft with Bookasarus and probably I am sometimes, to other people my parenting approach may seem protracted and unnecessary. I see it as being creative, adapting to Bookasaurus and helping him to be independent for the future. Taking positive action and trying something new makes me feel so much better! It gives me confidence that I can do this parenting thing and that parenting an autistic child in a slightly different way is ok and can work.
Tips
- Change the routine & tell them in advance – Find a good time to talk when you are both calm and explain the change in advance, they might even have some suggestions themselves! Remind them again just before the change.
- Calm yourself and your child – be in the moment let worries or plans float by like clouds in your mind and really focus on enjoying spending time with your child (I don’t always find it easy!). Calm them before attempting the routine give them some hugs, listen to a story on a CD or music or read a story, do a Mummy or Daddy push, a wheelbarrow or let them do the thing that calms them or gets sensory input into their bodies. Sometimes you need to do the opposite and wake them up/get them going so maybe some tickling or focusing activities like throwing scrunched-up paper into the bin.
- Visuals – use a ‘Now and Next’ approach (as above). Use a sand timer, timer or music on a mobile phone or a clock if your child likes numbers. A dressing chart with pictures of clothes stuck onto cardboard with blutac. Social stories are great too, you can draw little stick people with words underneath or use photos depending on your child, you can find them online too.
- Language – keep your language gentle and flexible, even whisper to them, use their name, be descriptive ‘dry your face on the blue towel’, and give them time to process what you’ve said, tone of voice and body language can make a big difference, try not to put pressure on them.
- Praise – praise them for something specific like ‘that was good teeth brushing’.
What’s on your mind? Is it Routine Frustrations, not sure whether your child is autistic or how to get the best out of the system for them, worrying about what other people think of your child, or how to find some time for you and what you want? We can take creative and positive action together, make a plan so you feel calm and more in control, and get results for you and your child step by step.
I’m a Life Coach and my passion is working with other Mums of autistic/ADHD children if you would like to talk to someone who understands I can help you remove the barriers to your thinking, so that you feel calmer and more positive again. I work with Mums of nursery to junior school-aged children. Contact me for a free initial conversation to find out more about my service and how it could help you. Contact me for a free non-commitment, 30-minute conversation by e-mailing me at jo@learningtoloveautism.com or drop me a line using my Contact page. I offer 1:1 packages see my ‘Work With Me’ page.
Do let me know what you found most helpful from my blog today in my Comments section, if I can help you or if you have any suggestions? It’s not easy being parents of children with extra challenges but together we can ‘learn to love autism’, recognise their incredible strengths, and support our children and ourselves so that we thrive together.
Ah yes the teeth cleaning, and the cream, I always end up with more cream on me than on Bookasuraus when he comes to stay.
I also love his cuddles.
Lovely ideas and so creative Jo, you are doing amazing xx
Lovely creative solutions Jo, it sounds like you are doing an amazing job & your hints and tips are good for all parents with young children. Much love to you all xx
Hi Claire it’s great to hear that the tips are helpful to all parents, thanks! Love to you too xx