We went to visit family over the Easter weekend and Grandma had arranged a big family meal at a local pub. She’d wisely booked a pub that was right next to a huge expanse of grass for all the children to run off their energy after the Easter Egg hunt!
Bookasaurus coped with it all well as there were about 17 people at the table. I’d brought some books and while we were waiting for pudding, I read him stories as they help to calm him down and focus on one thing rather than all the busyness that is going on around him. He sat on my lap as I think that body contact gives him comfort and more of that ‘touchy feely’ input into his body.
When we were all outside the grownups were playing games of catch, I noticed that Bookasaurus gave everyone roles. It was like he created a big game or story in his head to work out what was going on around him. Somebody was: the Mayor, the children were the police officers and baddies and he called one of his aunties the ‘Police Commissioner’. His Auntie thought this was fabulous, bless her, she said something along the lines of ‘absolutely Bookasaurus that means I’m in control, I love it!’ She was organising all the party/ball games so he’d got her role down to a T!
One of Bookasaurus’s uncles (he has a lot of Aunties and Uncles) came up to me when we were back at home and he said ‘having one child can be intense and you cope with Bookasaurus really well.’ He knows that Bookasaurus is autistic and what he said touched me. It’s so nice when someone recognises that it can be challenging but that you’re trying your best.
Parenting is challenging for all of us no matter whether your child is ‘neurodiverse’ (children with ASD, ADHD, dyslexia, OCD etc who can struggle with social interaction) and for example, distracting or stimulating settings or ‘neurotypical’ children those who are usually more comfortable with social interaction.
While we were staying with family, we also went to see a local panto, Bookasaurus hasn’t been to see a show before so we weren’t sure how he was going to respond but thought we’d give it a try. I tried to be prepared and asked Grandma if she could tell Bookasaurus about what was going to happen.
Grandma kindly took him through it step by step ‘the bell will ring for everybody to sit down, it will go dark and then the Fairy Godmother will appear on stage, etc. We need to be quiet!’ We even managed to get a sneak peek at the local hall before the show started.
I took along his ear defenders but he’d only tried them on once just before we went to see the panto. It was all going well and then it went dark and the Fairy Godmother appeared, Alex had been sitting between Grandma and one of his uncles, but he suddenly jumped up and said ‘Mummy’ and came and sat on my lap.
It was noisy and frantic with lots of sudden movements with different people appearing on stage and dark. Bookasaurus was petrified I must admit I found the wicked Stepmother quite scary too! I asked him if he wanted to put his ear defenders on but he said no and we lasted about 15 minutes and then left the hall.
A little girl was sitting in front of me who was probably younger than Bookasaurus but seemed unperturbed by the show but Bookasaurus’s senses aren’t like other children’s they are magnified. I said to another one of Bookasaurus’s Uncles later that week that he had been scared at the panto even though we’d explained the whole thing to him beforehand. He said ‘it’s not the story that’s scary it’s the environment.’ He was right, Bookasaurus was intrigued by the story and wanted to know all about the bits that he had missed. The effect that the environment had on his senses upset and overwhelmed him.
After the Easter holidays, Mummy of Sweetasaurus shared this fantastic ‘Operation Ouch – What is Autism and What Does it Feel Like?’ 4-minute link with me. She had shown it to her children to help them understand how autism affects their friends. It’s the two friendly twin brother doctors helping children and families understand what it’s like to have Autism in a very friendly but powerful way.
It shows how autism can overwhelm the senses but that autistic children also have such strengths. It did make me gulp thinking that’s how Bookasaurus may have experienced the panto and the world around him.
I sometimes chide myself thinking I shouldn’t have taken him to the panto etc but it’s good for them to experience new things and situations, we can learn what works best for them and always try something else. After the Panto, a friend gave me some tips on using ear defenders (see below).
Although we can be as prepared as possible there is always the unexpected to handle, we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves!
Tips:
- Hugs are fantastic – for children like Bookasaurus who need more touchy-feely input hugs and body contact, sitting with them on your lap, wrapping yourself around them, and squeezing them helps to calm them down and it’s nice for us too!
- Sitting on a Beanbag or wearing a squeeze vest can provide similar input to a hug (I would suggest talking to an OT about squeeze vests as what will work for one child but may not work for another).
- Ear Defenders can really help in a noisy environment – you can personalise them and get your child to decorate them with stickers or something that makes them fun. Have a practise at home turn the radio up loud or put the hairdryer on so they can see that things don’t sound so noisy. Put them on before the performance, so when it starts they’re not so overwhelmed that they can’t put them on and continue. (I would suggest talking to an OT about using ear defenders as what works for one child but may not work for another).
- Focus on one thing like a book, doing lego or a puzzle – autistic children can be great at focusing on something they enjoy and it helps them to ignore the busy world around them.
Look out for my next Blog on Morning Routine Frustrations and Visuals coming on Monday 13 June.
Do let me know what you found most helpful from my blog today in my Comments section, if I can help you or if you have any suggestions? It’s not easy being parents of children with extra challenges but together we can ‘learn to love autism’ and support our children and ourselves so that we thrive together.
I’m going to be launching a Supporting Mums Group Taster and Weekly Sessions after Half term (hopefully one in person and one online), look out for the details coming soon, or let me know if you’re interested. Please feel welcome to get in touch through my Comments section, e-mail me at jo@learningtoloveautism.com or drop me a line using the form on my Contact page.
I also offer ‘Supporting Mums’ packages please see my Supporting Mums page and contact me for a free 30-minute chat.
The suggestions provided on this website are for information and sharing purposes only. They should not be treated as professional medical advice or a substitute for diagnosis/treatment, so please speak to your health professional for help.
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