I don’t know about you but I’m knackered after the Easter holidays! Twenty-four-seven childcare with a demanding little boy who needs lots of attention and interaction can take it out of you. I’ve had so many conversations about Star Wars you wouldn’t believe it!
I had tried to prepare Bookasaurus in advance for the holidays. I got our calendar down and made some suggestions about what we could do on each day like go to the library (make an Easter card, this was quite optimistic). I wanted to involve him and give him some control and choice as this can help autistic children, I then wrote the activities on the calendar that we’d decided to do.
I referred back to what we had planned on the wall calendar when we were having breakfast each morning. Autistic children respond well to visuals (pictures and words), my calendar idea was a bit basic but you can also draw pictures or use photos, magazine cutouts whatever works for your child.
We’d planned to go on an Easter Egg Hunt on the first Saturday of the holidays but I was very surprised when Bookasaurus said ‘no mummy I just want to stay at home’. He loves chocolate so I couldn’t work it out and tried a couple of things to encourage him to go. I then realised that although he may not have expressed it, he knew himself that he was actually really tired after the school term and just needed an easy day.
So, although it’s good to have a plan I also need to be flexible and if he’s too tired to do something then it’s probably best to stay at home and avoid the inevitable upset. It’s swings and roundabouts!
In contrast during the week, we had on the calendar that we were going to go to the library but then a friend kindly invited us to go to a soft play. Again, Bookasaurus surprised me because he said he didn’t want to see his friend ‘Natureasaurus’ who I know he likes. In this instance, he’d got stuck on the idea that we were going to the library. Autistic children and those with ADHD can sometimes appear to be uncooperative but it’s trying to work out what’s going on or other times I think they just want to do what they want to do.
Later on, that day he said he wanted to give ‘Natureasaurus’ a truck so we found something from his toy box and popped round to see him, they had a great time playing in the garden and I thought it was a very kind-hearted thing to do.
I had a revelation when we were at the library, I was reading a children’s book called ‘He’s Not Naughty!’ by Deborah Brownson, MBE which explained in really simple terms how autistic children’s senses work differently. Bookasaurus has always found eye contact difficult and there was a page on sight. The book explained that sometimes autistic children don’t look at you when you’re talking to them because it’s difficult for them to use two senses at one – hearing and sight.
They use their hearing sense to concentrate on what you’re saying but don’t necessarily make eye contact with you. It’s so nice to know that he is listening to me (well sometimes) but can’t always look at me at the same time. I also think it depends on how he’s feeling if he’s uncomfortable, shy, or completely involved in a train book then eye contact is going to be tricky. However, if he’s relaxed, and I’m engaged chatting away with him about superheroes he will make fantastic eye contact!
I met up with a friend over the holidays whose son is also autistic, we were standing on a railway bridge watching out for trains, it’s always quite exciting when you see one as they come under the bridge and the driver waves at you!
I noticed as we were standing around waiting for the trains my friend’s son reached out and touched my arm it didn’t seem to be for a particular reason but I’m used to Bookasaurus being tactile. I think he was just trying to connect with me or maybe my top looked nice to touch. A minute later I noticed that Bookasaurus reached out and played with my friend’s big set of keys that she was holding.
Bookasaurus’s touch sense doesn’t work in the way it should he doesn’t naturally get enough ‘touchy feely’ input into his body and therefore he is more tactile wanting to touch others and needing to have something in his hands like a toy, book, or putty to play with.
As well as sometimes needing more tactile input autistic children can often have an intense reaction to information coming in through their senses as you’ll see when Bookasaurus went to the panto!
Look out for my next Blog; Part 2 – Easter Holidays and the Senses, coming on Monday 16 May. I will also be focusing on Morning Routine Frustrations and Visuals coming soon.
Tips:
- Preparation and planning – this can be helpful where there is a change in routine such as different experiences like the Holidays, a Birthday Party, Panto, etc but be prepared to be flexible and go with the flow.
- Visuals (pictures and words) – putting these up on a calendar, or the wall helps autistic children understand what to expect and gives them a chance to talk it through with you beforehand.
- The library can be a good place to pick up books on Autism and ADHD – if you look in the children’s health section some great books simply explain things, both for you, your child, their brothers, and sisters or friends.)
- Eye contact and getting their attention – get in front of them and come down to their level and then talk to them (you may still need to give them a few moments to process what you’ve said or finish whatever it is they’re doing). I know that not all autistic children like people being in their space or light touch on their body so keep that in mind too. So many things to think about!
I’m going to be launching a Creative and Positive Parenting programme online in the evening, during the summer hoildays, look out for the details coming soon, or let me know if you’re interested. Please feel welcome to get in touch through my Comments section, e-mail me at jo@learningtoloveautism.com or drop me a line using the form on my Contact page.
I also offer 1:1 packages please see my ‘Work With Me’ page and contact me for a free 30-minute chat.
Do let me know what you found most helpful from my blog today in my Comments section, if I can help you or if you have any suggestions? It’s not easy being parents of children with extra challenges but together we can ‘learn to love autism’ and support our children and ourselves so that we thrive together.
The suggestions provided on this website are for information and sharing purposes only. They should not be treated as professional medical advice or a substitute for diagnosis/treatment, so please speak to your health professional for help.
Anonymous says
Thank you for another wonderful article. Where else may
anyone get that kind of information in such a perfect
way of writing? I have a presentation subsequent week, and I’m
at the look for such information.
Jo Long says
Thank you for your kind words. Apologies I wasn’t sure of your name?
I find this book really helpful: A Different Way of Seeing Autism, Uniquely Human by Dr Barry M.Prizant
Rachel says
Really enjoying reading your blog Jo, its so honest, insightful and helpful.
Really lovely to read what you two have been up to this Easter it sounded fun.
Rachel says
Jo recently gave some helpful advice to me for my daughter and recommended a therapy brush which I hadn’t heard of! Thank you Jo!
Jo Long says
Thanks Rachel, glad it helped do let me know how you’re getting on with it?
Rachel says
Thanks Jo, it’s good she still uses it. She also has a big exercise ball now too which we use in different ways before dressing in the morning and evenings
Jo Long says
Hi Rachel that’s great to hear! I’m going to get Bookasaurus a Peanut ball (an exercise ball that looks like a peanut) an OT recommended one, they are great for building strength, regulating activities and calming them down!
Rosie says
Oh the eye contact. My daughter’s class had a substitute teacher for about half a term who used to tell them that if they weren’t looking at her when she was talking, she knew they weren’t listening. Fortunately my daughter is old enough and articulate enough to see the problem and tell me about it, so I raised it with the SENCO. But how many children would just internalise the idea that they were in the wrong?